Practice, Policy, Ethics

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I believe in ethical behavior, and thus reject the social trends.  I reject the drama & whining, the fascination with bad behavior, the defamation & flaming, the sheer vapid stupidity, the on-line and off-line hypocrisy, the excuses made for repeatedly unethical if not criminal actions, the citations of problems without solutions, and a communities inability to put their best self forward to WORK on a greater good with leadership by example.  These are our drugs of our times – Just Say No…

Ethical Decisions

The recent weeks of events which have unfolded throughout the community is deeply troubling as the above examples are on the rise.  I am greatly disturbed by the lack of understanding and compassion for those who have been victimized within the scene, as much as I am horrified by the cruel and selfish needs of those who engage in predatory behavior and those who excuse or defend it.  I abhor rape, sexual assault, and a flagrant disregard for mutual consent via manipulation, deceit or blatant force.  I respect only those that can show respect and try to uphold responsible and ethical practices.

While I have always held this belief strongly and reiterated them my workshops and writing, it seems necessary to turn into a fully documented Policy. Because it is in my nature to be driven to act in a fashion that is consistent with my views and principles that I am making this statement to any and all:

My terms for presenting to any group or organization is that it must not harbor widely banned individuals as a result of major behavioral issues, assault, or similar. I will neither support nor associate with any group, organization, or members of a community that excuses or condones sexual assault or rape.  This includes those who are complicit in such either through direct involvement or negligence (i.e willful inaction). I will not be party to adding to the perceived legitimacy of such a group or encourage values that defends or excuses such behaviors. 

That is my “terms of condition” for booking.  This is my way of being a part of the solution versus part of the problem. My hope is that if I, and other presenters join me, we are taking some oxygen out of the inferno.  While I would regret withdrawing from those who are eager for education, we are all part of the equation – including various lifestyle group leaders, presenters, and key members. No matter what one’s role, we are part of the eco-sphere of a culture. If we are to uphold core values, then we must fight and live with the inconveniences of standing up for our principles.

This is non-negotiable; these are my principles, the sacrifice of which is a personal Hard Limit.

I am available for booking if every reasonable effort is being made to hold everyone to the same standards of ethical conduct and behavior, no matter your connections or friendships. I don’t do politics, I do patterns of behavior as truth. If the pattern of an individual or group of individuals is a problem, then it must be addressed – not rationalized away.

Lighthouse at Night

The local groups or communities we serve need to feel safe.  Without safety we fear, and when we fear we shut ourselves down to new experiences and ideas.  Without safety we cannot reach others, and as a presenter I cannot reach those that have closed or guarded their minds.  Thus we cannot fulfill my purpose in these events as educators.  Safety comes from two sources, the sense of safety we create ourselves through strength, competence, and confidence, and the safety we feel in the environment around us. We can promote both in our workshops and classes, in our policies and conduct.  We can promote responsible and respectful relationships and activities within a high risk community by not making excuses.

As such, I further offer my pledge to event organizers and group leaders who are interested in my workshops and classes:

  • I pledge to bring my best self to your group or community, to act and behave as a trusted professional, and to be well prepared to execute my workshops or classes to the best of my ability, with equal measures of care and diligence.
  • I pledge that, as an invited presenter or speaker, I will conduct myself in the most ethical manner possible, free from conflict of interest or pursuits. This includes a policy of abstaining from casual/pickup play during the course of the active event.
  • I pledge to Lead by Example in conduct and action: making choices which demonstrate a combination of excellence and passion while providing knowledge authentically and as transparently as possible.
  • I pledge to fully cooperate with the rules and overseeing boards of the organization, including house rules, codes of conduct, policies, resolution boards, and committees.
  • I pledge to offer consultative support and advice, if sought, to help any inviting organization consider their own policies and methods for handling events and situations with responsible compassion, transparency, and fairness, to the best of my ability.

I will do this regardless, but I want to make it clear.  It is my hope that a statement such as this, clear and unequivocal, will be appreciated by victims of rape, assault, and serious consent violations.  It is also my hope that other presenters, organizers, influences, and leaders will join me in taking a clear stance. WE need to be our own light to encourage responsible behaviors, because no one else will.



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